I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
