i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
