The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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