Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
