i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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