O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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