I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
