I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
