Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
