you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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