considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
