Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
