I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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