awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
