Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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