Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
