Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
