Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
