"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
