My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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