He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
