She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
