Duck Duck Cougar?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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