looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
