I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
