Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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