Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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