I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
