I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I want to fling myself into the sun
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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