lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
