Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
