my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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