I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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