Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
