That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We have started to decorate penises.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
