i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
