Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
