my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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