Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
