woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The convent might be a nice break from real life
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
