Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
