she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
