i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
