i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
