a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
