it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
where am i from again
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
