i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
