WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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