you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
