I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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