Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
