I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dick very happy bro
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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