pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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