He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She even gives head with a lisp.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
