Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
