"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
