He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
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Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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