you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
