I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
