he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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