I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
