i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
There's even glitter on my cock...
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