Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
