No awkward lesbian experiences without me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
