did you get engaged???
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
