just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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