If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
