I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
