Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
