boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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