He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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