sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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