i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She even gives head with a lisp.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
