Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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