we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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