My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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